smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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