How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
