I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize