My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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