dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
