No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
