You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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