i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
