so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
