Screwed.edu
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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