You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
where are my eyebrows?
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