Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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