I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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