He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
