As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
