opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
What a dumb baby whore.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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