im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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