Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize