the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
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Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
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I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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