a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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