I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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