Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
