I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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