I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
