I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
