You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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