im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize