Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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