Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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