'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
