My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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