wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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