Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
