try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
