I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
