And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
