just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
NoShamevember. You game?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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