she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
