Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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