In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
