glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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