No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
