So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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