RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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