i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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