Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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