i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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