I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
