I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
