benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
