Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just want to make out with him forever
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
