drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
