Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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