Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
