i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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