My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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