is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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