Already got asked if we're dating
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
