Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
