Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
