i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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