Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
