Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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