I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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