My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
