I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There's always time for handjobs
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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