it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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